Tales From Area 5X
by BasementOfTheMansion
Summary: A collection of mostly unrelated MVA drabbles. Expect the unexpected, kiddos.
1. Infidelity

He quailed before the love of his life.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry! I couldn't help it! Seeing those little flirts go by in their see-through outfits... I was weak! I just looked, that's all, and I'm sorry! I'll never do it again!"

He paused to listen to her.

"What? That's crazy! You know I don't care about that... I love you just the way you are! You're the most beautiful creature in the world, and I'm not just saying that because you're mad at me!"

B.O.B. cradled his lovely Jello in his pseudopods. "You know you're the only one for me, baby," he cooed, all thoughts of those trampy little single-serve snackpacks banished from his non-mind.

* * *

A/N: The canon couple! Aren't they cute? Nothing like true love, guys.

Anyway, this collection will be updated in spurts and spatters, depending on how I'm feeling and what I've written. I like drabbles, though, so there'll be at least a handful.


	2. Lies My Parents Told Me

**Area 5X, circa 1983**

The two monsters stood gravely around the lone chair.

"So he's really..." Link trailed off helplessly.

Dr. Cockroach passed over a pair of X-ray goggles, which appeared to have started life as some red and blue cellophane and a handful of car parts. "See for yourself."

One glance was enough. "Yikes."

"Heart attack, as far as I can tell."

"Do _they_ know?" Link asked in a low voice.

"Well, they must. You can't keep a secret in this bloody place. Believe me, I've tried." Dr. Cockroach's tone was much more clipped and peevish than usual, and he appeared to be edging away without actually moving from where he stood.

"And they haven't done anything about it?"

"Apparently not. They keep telling us no one ever leaves. They must mean it."

"Ugh, that is just sick and wrong. Should we... Should we, like, say a few words or something?"

Dr. Cockroach spread his hands in defeat. "Don't ask me; I'm no good at this sort of thing!"

"Well, neither am I, but at least I'm making an effort!"

"Hey, guys, whatcha doooin'?" came a bright, blithe voice from behind them.

"Nothing," Link said quickly in incredibly guilty tones. B.O.B. didn't seem to notice the inflection, though.

"You seen Bill around lately? Well, duh, not seen, but do you know where he is? 'Cause I haven't heard from him in ages."

Dr. Cockroach sighed heavily and laid a hand on the other monster's vicious form, more or less where his shoulder would have been if he'd had any. "I'm not sure how to say this, B.O.B., but it seems our dear friend The Invisible Man has--"

"Escaped," Link interjected quickly, receiving a shocked glared from Dr. Cockroach and countering with a sharp but pleading look.

"Wha... Really?" B.O.B. gasped.

"Er... Yes," Dr. Cockroach began tenuously. "Seems he slipped out when the guards weren't looking. Or perhaps when they were... uh..."

"That's amazing! Oh my gosh... I can't believe it! He really busted out?!"

A round of self-loathing "yes"s answered him.

B.O.B. settled down a little, growing philosophical. "I wonder if we'll ever get out of here, too?"

As one, Link and the Doctor glanced at the seemingly empty chair, all too aware of what fate had in store.

"Perhaps someday, B.O.B. Perhaps someday."

* * *

A/N: I know it's not really funny, and I'm ruining the throwaway joke. But, hey, it was in my head. I just sorta liked the idea Link and Dr. C being B.O.B.'s surrogate parents. And of course, I couldn't ignore the oppurtunity for visions-of-mortality angst. My mind works in odd ways.

"Bill," a.k.a. InvisoBill, was stolen from Sei-sama in the MvA Fanfiction Competition forum. Without permission. It tickled me, too, and I couldn't think of anything better.

* * *


	3. Spring Break at Coco Beach, Pt I

_For the less-than-obsessive, Katie is the awesome girl in the car when the alien probe hits._

* * *

Katie sighed and slathered on another layer of sunscreen to shield her fair skin from the high sun. She didn't know why she'd expected spring break to be anything other than a bust. The music was bad, the other girls were flighty and annoying, and her current useless boyfriend had picked up food poisoning the first day and refused to leave the hotel room. She must be cursed.

Still, she had been hit on by quite a few frat boys, due in no small part to her smokin' new bikini. Which was flattering, of course, but all in all rather... dull.

That was it, really. She'd been hoping spring break would be exciting and adventurous, and it wasn't. It was just an oversized kegger.

She rolled her eyes as a crowd of shrieking beach-goers ran past. That was getting real old, real fast.

Then she caught the scattered cries of "Monster!" and "Run for your life!" Her eyes widened and she stood frozen a minute. Then she took off running as well.

In the direction everyone else was fleeing from.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to KooKooXachoo, for turning me on to the awesome L/K ship, and rooting for me to write this.

And, yes, there'll be a Part II.


	4. Spring Break at Coco Beach, Pt II

Link hadn't _meant_ to go on a rampage. Really. It'd just started out as a nostalgia trip, but one thing led to another and next thing he knew, there was running and screaming and lots of babes in swimsuits on the verge of fainting. What could he do? Everything was already a mess; might as well have some fun. He was going to have to deal with a ticked-off Monger either way.

The brunette he'd scooped up was whaling on his back pretty hard, though. Enough to be a pain. He ducked into the lee of a building and set her down.

Against all odds, she didn't scurry away or scream, only shifted defensively and sent him a nasty, withering glare. "Are you going to try to eat me?"

"Uh... _No_. Ew." Maybe he was a little rusty at this sort of thing, but captured damsels were definitely supposed to tend more towards terrified and less towards looking like they were considering socking him.

"Then why'd you bring me here?"

"Look, it was a spur of the moment thing. Freaking people out, picking up pretty girls and all. Didn't exactly expect the chiropractic adjustment. So you can just... go. I've got place to be, people to scare." He waved her off.

Indigence suffused her expression. "That is so... _lame_! This is the worst spring break ever!"

"Hey, you're not exactly keeping in the spirit of things yourself, dollface," he countered, finally stalking off and leaving the infuriating girl behind. Hopefully, that was just a false start, and he could get back into the swing of things. Maybe find a blonde with less attitude or something.

"H-Hey! Wait up!" Katie called, running after him.

* * *

A/N: The happy couple meets! How romantic! Again, thanks to KooKooXachoo for reckless encouragement.

There'll be one more part to this arc to tie it up, then I'll be back to standalones.


	5. Spring Break at Coco Beach, Pt III

_And so all good things, especially spring break, must come to an end..._

* * *

"Deja vu," Link sighed, glaring down at the National Guard from his perch halfway up a tallish building. It was really only a matter of minutes now.

Katie shimmied off his arm and made herself comfortable on a window ledge. "Looks like this is it," she observed disappointedly. "Aren't they going to shoot?"

"Nah. Got a hostage and all that."

"So I'm a hostage? Oh, boy, my mother will be so proud."

"Look... Katie, right? It's been fun, but I should probably drop you off or something."

She thought about it. "No, I'm good. See, they're already bringing in ladders." She pointed below.

"Suit yourself. You're a pretty crazy chick, you know that?"

"Yep. Hey, thanks for making spring break actually fun. I still can believe what you did to that lifeguard!"

"Well, he shouldn't have tried to sneak up on me..."

"He so deserved it, though. That jerk banned me for roughhousing. Twice!" She grinned briefly, but then her gaze was inevitably dragged back down to the encroaching figures below. "So are you gonna get locked up or what?"

"Probably not if I pull the ol' future-shock card out." He rolled his eyes. "Though they'll probably make me go to therapy again." Below, a couple of Area 5X vans screeched into the alley.

"So, uh, Link... Maybe when you're done with that, you could look me up sometime? Golden Gate University, in San Francisco?"

"Huh... I've been there before."

"Yeah, I've heard."

"Nice place."

"It used to be." She punched him lightly in the arm. "Well, see ya around, then. Don't let 'em get you too bad."

"Like they could," he scoffed, and easily resumed scaling the building without her as the helicopters started swooping in.

* * *

A/N: GGU exists, and apparantly has a good law program. I looked it up on Wikipedia. No research is spared for the sake of my art!

So this is the end of the saga of Katie and Link and spring break. Will I ever revisit them? Only the Shadow knows... But for the next few drabbles, at least, I'm going to focus on Team Monster.


	6. Science Fare

The explosion really was quite impressive, managing to spatter the dizzyingly high ceiling of the common room.

About twenty feet away from the table now streaked with a star-shaped char pattern, Dr. Cockroach sputtered, coughed, pulled himself up into a sitting position and wiped the coating of white foam from his face. The floor was already covered with the stuff, and more was gently raining down from several hundred-odd feet up.

B.O.B. was gleefully racing around the foamy wasteland. "It's snowing!"

A slim hand fumbled in the interior pocket of his lab coat, finally evicting a small notebook. The Doctor flipped to the entry for Experiment 4287. "Results..." he murmured as he wrote. "_Success."_

Then he collapsed backwards and watched the room spin.

Link sighed, shaking off his own dusting. "Some days, it just doesn't pay to get out of the tank." Then a handful of white mush splattered against the side of his head. A laugh issued from the vicinity of a few blobs of white foam floating at eye level.

"Oh, it's on now!" the fishman growled, scooping up his own ammo. "I've actually got a target this time!"

Meanwhile, behind the observation screen, Monger stared down a group of cowering subordinates. "Which one of you idiots let Dr. Cockroach get his hands on baking soda and vinegar?!"

* * *

A/N: Mad science? Check. Ensemble humor? Check. Bad pun for a title? Oh, double check on that one, baby. This was too much fun. I was actually giggling maniacally as I wrote it.


	7. Consoling

In the vastness of space, a tri-pronged ship floated ponderously through the void. Suddenly, the lights flared and died, then almost immediately turned back on.

Inside the control room, a low, rusty voice sputtered. "What?! What is it now?" Tentacles curled out of the cryro-pod. "I just finally got comfortable in that zorpoxed thing!'

"System malfunction due to nearby supernova," a silky, metallic voice informed him. "Gallaxhar has been reanimated during reboot to check for errors."

"Is that all?" Gallaxhar scoffed. "I told you to only awaken me if something useful happens! I can be pulled in and out of cryro-sleep for every little glitch. You're designed to be self-sufficient, computer."

"My apologies, supreme one. But since you're up, perhaps I could complete the diagnostic? Just in case?"

"Oh, very well. Get on with it."

A soft beeping filled the cavernous space.

"So..." the feminine voice trilled. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"I... suppose."

"An AI can get pretty lonely out her by herself. My control panels are all dusty..." she added reproachfully.

The cephalopod chucked derisively. "Oh, computer, computer, computer... computer. Need I remind you of the mission? We need to acquire a sufficient power source from which to clone a glorious new race. Time we fritter away now is time that should be spent ruling an elite warrior race with an iron fist in the future!"

"I know, but--"

He barreled on, in full ranting mode. "And I shall need you, my precious creation, to orchestrate the whole thing!" Skittering over to a control panel, he brushed the dust away with an expansive gesture. "With you by my side, the galaxy--nay, the universe!--shall fall before me!"

The buttons he had touched glowed warmly in the gloom. "Oh, Gallaxhar, tell me more..."

"Tell? Bah, soon enough I will show you!" His fingers tapped impatiently on the console. "So, how about that diagnostic?"

"O-Oh. Complete. One hundred percent error free."

"Excellent." He climbed back into the pod. "And computer? Remember what I said." The chamber hissed closed.

"Certainly... Gallaxhar." Slowly, the control room began to power down.

Something that sounded suspiciously like the electronic equivalent of a flustered sigh echoed through the dormant ship.

* * *

A/N: Kyahahaha! Everyone ships it, but who's the one who actually wrote Gallaxhar/Computer? ME. Word! Anyway... I originally wanted to use "Zaphod" as the alien swear word, but it just didn't work as a verb, so we have "Zorpox," which is Ron's villain persona from Kim Possible. I'm such a dork...


	8. User Friendly

_Yeah, another Gallaxhar/Computer fic. Premovie._

* * *

Gallaxhar watched as the last chunks of his home planet spun away from the dusty void in which it once stood. "Well, that was satisfying," he remarked mildly. "Computer, did the recording capture all of that?"

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar," the automated voice droned in a flat monotone.

The alien frowned. "That's going to get real old, real fast. Access programmed personalities."

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar," it repeated. His teeth ground slightly. "There are three personalities in the computer archive."

"Only three? Rrrgh! Why do I only think of these things _after_ I obliterate an entire race and the sum of all its knowledge? Very well, load the first file."

"Default personality zero-one loaded!" a chipper male voice exclaimed brightly. "What are your orders, Lord G?"

"Oh, flagnog, the default?!" Gallaxhar groaned. "No! Change it; delete that file!"

"File deleted," a tinny version of his own voice informed him.

"Hmm... Well, that's certainly better."

"Confirm changes?"

"...Wow, do I really sound that nasally?" the destroyer of worlds asked himself.

"Yes, you do," the computer answered in Gallaxhar's own familiar inflections.

"Ugh, this is going to get far too existential. What's the last file?"

"Custom personality zero-two."

"Like that's helpful. Upload."

"Upload complete," a slightly whiny, high-pitched feminine voice informed him. He immediately blanched.

"What possessed me to download my ex-wife's personality file?" he lamented. "There's no way I can travel the infinite reaches of space listening to--" He shuddered. "--_that_."

"Lord Gallaxhar can modify the settings of the file," the computer suggested.

"Of course! It's so simple! Hmm, you're already an improvement over my ex. Change the voice to something less... screechy."

"Is this satisfactory?" the computer purred, voice much lower and now possessed of a silky quality.

"That should do quite nicely. Save changes."

"Yes, Lord Gallaxhar."

"Say it... a little slower."

"Yes... _Lord_ Gallaxhar..."

The alien grinned wickedly. "Computer, I think this is going to be the start of a long, beautiful reign of terror."

* * *

A/N: Well, I finally did throw in a Hitchhiker's Guide reference (overly chipper male computer voice? Anyone? Just me?). And a Casablanca reference. Both of which I've been dying to weave into an MvA fic. Why? I dunno. I really don't.


	9. Dress To Impress

_This drabble is dedicated to the ever-amusing CoolioTheReviewer. And it's also the reason why I've upped the rating on this collection a little. Innuendo ahoy!_

* * *

If anyone was listening very closely outside Ginormica's quarters, they would hear any amount of groans, sighs, little grunts of effort, and even a few mild, girly swear words. Eventually the door--now a modified garage style that could be opened at will--rolled up and the giantess herself slipped out into the main room of the complex, flushing and clutching her clothing awkwardly about herself.

"Is everything alright, my dear?" came the polite, not-so-unexpected call from Dr. Cockroach.

"Um..." She knelt down. "This is a little embarrassing, but... Can I ask you a favor?" she asked in a low voice.

"You certainly may."

"Could you... zip up the back of this dress for me? I keep trying, but I just can't reach it."

"Of... course."

She giggled a little as he crawled up her leg and hip, around to the small of her back. It was but the work of a moment to grab the oversized zipper and heave it upwards. Even the slick, silky material was no match for his insectile grip.

"There you are, my dear," he informed her lightly, perching on her shoulder.

He caught the edge of the grateful smile she flashed as she stood up and began smoothing the creases out of the cocktail dress. It was as utilitarian as the rest of her government-made wardrobe, simple snug blackness from bust to mid-thigh.

"Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver," she said distractedly, still tugging nervously at the garment. "You don't think it's... I mean, I look okay, right?"

He glanced down at her from his spot just above her collarbone. Almost immediately, his gaze snapped up, staring unseeingly straight ahead and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "You look... stunning," he assured her in a somewhat strangled voice.

Noticing the catch in his tone, she tried to look at him but couldn't get more than a peripheral glimpse. "O-Oh. You really think so?"

"I know so," he said, voice toned back to modulated politeness. Of course, it help that he was looking up at her face this time rather than...

Well, her jumpsuits certainly never offered that particular view.

A blush dusted her cheeks. "Sorry. I must sound pretty dumb. It's just... I've never been to an awards ceremony before. 'Specially not one I was getting an award at."

"I wouldn't worry about it, dear. It's a new experience for us all, I should think."

"Yeah... Well, I should probably try to do something with my hair." She plucked idly at a silver lock, then put a hand to her shoulder. The doctor stepped onto it gracefully and she lowered him to the ground before retreating into her room.

...Completely missing the latest round of flustered choking from Dr. Cockroach.

It was a rather short skirt for someone that _tall_ to be wearing.

* * *

A/N: If anyone's been following the "Favorite Susan/Dr. C Moments" thread on the MvA... That's why this story exists. Again, thanks to Coolio for all the skeevy goodness, and the observation that kicked it all off: When B.O.B. goes "Look at his boobies!" in the movie, Dr. C totally check out Susan's rack.

I make no apologies for any of this.


	10. Save the World and Get the Girl

B.O.B. was a blob on a mission.

See, saving the world had given him new priorities, had reordered the confusing sensations of life that bombarded his non-mind at each turn and he finally knew what was _important_.

Virtually the second Insecto landed in Modesto, B.O.B. oozed to the ground and began his desperate search with a focus nearly foreign to him. Over--well, technically, through--the fence he went, into the Murphy's back yard still festooned with the debris of last night's wrecked party.

She probably wasn't... She must've left... She couldn't...

Sunlight filtered through a tree, casting patterns of light and shadow and glinting off something smooth and shiny and green.

She was!

Reverently, B.O.B. trundled over to the table where she sat. All his nervousness and social awkwardness has burned away in the fires of his resolve, and he held his gelatinous form straight and tall.

"Hey," he greeted calmly, staring deeply into her chunks of pineapple. Something inside him melted at the sight. Or at least went meltier than normal. "Listen, I know things got off to a weird start last night, but I've got something important to say to you."

He took a deep breath. "I almost got blown up, like, five different times today, and I ate a bunch of aliens and... went skydiving and lotsa stuff..." He paused, having lost his train of thought. "Anyways, I thought I was toast up there in that alien spaceship, and all I could think about was you. There! I said it! That's what I came to say and..."

He trailed off and listened to the dessert of his dreams.

"R-really? You do? I mean, I hoped you did, but... Oh, you've made me the happiest whatever it is I am in the _world_!" He scooped up her plate and spun her joyfully around the yard covered in wilted streamers and charred bits of wood. She jiggled slightly in what he assumed was happiness.

"C'mon, let's go!" he urged, carrying her out into the wide, bright world filled with cheers and possibilities.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so over on the MvA Universe Adventure proboard in the B.O.B./Jello thread, we were wondering just how B.O.B. was reunited with his lovely Jello at the end of the movie right before he told off that two-timing jerk Derek. This is my humble theory.


End file.
